Archive for November, 2008

Welp, that was fun

November 23, 2008

Since there’s nothing to do now but wait for Charlie Weis to be canned, watch Texas Tech coach Mike Leach do the local Lubbock weather. First of all, it’s hilarious. Secondly, it says something about winning in college football. Tech is the only Big XII program to finish above .500 every year since the conference was formed in 1996. A lot of that success is because Leach’s team isn’t afraid to make mistakes. The Red Raiders play loose – like their coach – and enjoy playing a simple game.

Leach is too quirky to represent the country’s most famous football program. But ND’s next hire must be someone more like the current Tech coach; someone who understands that college football is played best by teams that play loose.


Interhall Football: “Because recycling is for communists.”

November 20, 2008

ESPN has a lengthy write up on Notre Dame’s interhall football program. Nice to see ND’s second-coolest sporting tradition – behind the Bengal Bouts – get some pub. See AllTimeCenter’s post below for further proof that Sunday’s interhall final will be more exciting than the Syracuse game.

Recycling Irish

November 20, 2008

In the “you can’t make shit this ridiculous up, well maybe after a mad-dog or two” department, this Saturday we will be witnessing the first ever carbon-neutral game played in the House the Rockne Built.  According to

“All of the carbon emissions produced by stadium energy use as well as fan travel, hotel stays, and visiting team travel will be offset by energy conservation projects coordinated by the Office of Sustainability during its first semester on campus. Many of the offsets stem from student-led conservation efforts, including the CFL Upgrade, the Dorm Energy Competition, the Reusable Grab ‘n Go Bag Raffle, and Game Day Recycling.”

the new gold flanks

Recycling logos: the new gold flanks

Well isn’t that nice.  Apparantly a little recycling and reusable grab n go bags go a long way.  With the Natty Light cans I recycled in college plus anything I’ve discarded that found its way into a bum’s shopping cart, I’ve racked up some significant carbon savings.  While the Department of Sustainability is cashing in its carbon for a real thriller of a football game with 2-8 Syracuse, I want to use mine for something a little flashier.  Driving a hummer around the block? Burning an acre of rain forest?  Blow-torching an ice cap?  Dousing baby seals with crude Oil? Buying lots of Styrofoam?  The possibilities are endless.  Feel free to leave suggestions on how best spend carbon.  Go green!

Go green and still get your drank on.

Go green and still get your drank on.

Charlie’s Bowl Movements

November 20, 2008

Ok, so this might seem a bit premature to some readers, but if Graham Watson has taught me anything, it’s how to stay on top of ND football news. Literally, this girl knows when Jimmy Clausen breaks wind, and based on her infatuation, would probably like to bottle it. Her latest article is concerned with where the Irish might be playing, come Bowl season and could easily have been titled “Why People Hate Notre Dame”. The article was actually good news for Irish fans, if you want an excuse to take a holiday time vacation.

However, if you want to see us break the bowl losing streak, it’s not so great. Cotton, Gator, and Sun bowls are all up for grabs now, the latter being the only one you could argue we’ve even remotely earned. She’s quick to point out that none of the bowls have ever taken in a 5 loss team. Now I don’t want to seem like a naysayer, so I’ll reserve comments until our season is actually over.

Call her article a “warning shot”, a way to brace other schools so there are less messed-pants when Notre Dame gets the bid they think their school deserved.

It’s a sad day when, with all the media attention the Irish receive, old Loyal Lou is the only one holding out real hope and staying optimistic. Of course, I’ve been a bit uncomfortable ever since I got my reminder for a prostate exam from Dr. Holtz last week.

On the plus, at least he hasn’t reached Beano-Cook-status of bowl rambling. And now, a man who is convinced the BCS is his namesake and who wrote in “Navy vs. Syracuse” last year for the championship…


Syracuse: The Next Chapter….

November 19, 2008

Those of you under the legal driving age might not realize this, but Syracuse has a football program. In fact, a proud, storied football program. A proud, storied football program which is slated to play at Notre Dame this Saturday. Unfortunately for the color Orange everywhere, Syracuse football has fallen on hard times. Head Coach Greg Robinson was informed this past week that he will not be back to lead the Orange next season. As the search for a new coach begins, the Syracuse Athletic Department would be wise to look at the tremendous(ly mixed) success of Charlie Weis at Notre Dame to realize the merits of hiring an alum as head football coach. With that in mind, here are some notable alums (courtesy of wikipedia) who could find themselves on the AD’s shortlist.

Robert Jarvick – inventor of the artificial heart

Pros: As Greg Robinson said almost one year ago, “I share the community’s desire for a winning program, and there is no one that wants to win more than I do … I have won before and I expect to win again. I know we have the talent, heart and commitment to bring Syracuse football back, and I plan to make that happen.” Bad news coach, you were wrong.

Cons: Apparently he has high cholesterol. However, this should not be a limiting factor (see Kansas, Notre Dame, Maryland, and Tennessee).


Joe Biden – Vice President-elect

Pros: Pennsylvania has long been a hot-bed for high school football talent, and with this Scranton native on the payroll, Syracuse will have its pick of the litter.

Cons: Sometimes Joe’s motivational tactics can backfire…..

Bob Costas – NBC/HBO sportscaster

Pros: Costas, the age-less wonder, could have an anti-Paterno effect on Syracuse football as administrators, players, and fans will not have to worry about the age-factor….EVER.

Costas circa 1990

Costas circa 1990

Costas circa 2000

Costas circa 2000

Costas circa 2008

Costas circa 2008

Cons: The close proximity of Cooperstown, NY to the Syracuse campus could prove to be too much of a distraction to a potential Coach Costas. (Insert obligatory Tyrone Willingham-Warren Golf Course joke here)

The Verdict– Costas. However, he is not likely to accept as he already holds the title of “Most Important Man in the World” as the host of Football Night in America (very important sounding orchestra piece begins)….

Fire Rich Rodriguez- Reply by DickRod

November 19, 2008

News of Skunkbears and their Stinky Leader:


After an uproar from their loss to Northwestern at the Big House this past weekend, Skunkbear fans have made their cries for blood just a little louder. Dixie DickRod has finally decided to strike back as of yesterday, stating these fans should “Get a life” citing more important concerns like the “economy”, whatever that’s supposed to mean to UofM fans. So, to clear up any confusions there might have been with the seemingly negative statement, WinDixieRod issued a formal letter this morning laying out a list of problems that U of Michigan fans should be more concerned with than their 3-8 season and their spread offense.

1. Global warming

2. The Middle-East

3. Bad mortgage loans

4. Flint, Michigan

5. Rampant drug problems on UM campus

6. Obama wanting to take away your guns

7. Your heating bill

8. The homicide rate in Detroit surpassing that of Atlanta

9. Polar bears (see no. 1)

10. The hole in your garage roof

11. How much money you’ll save NOT going to a bowl game this year

12. How much money the school paid to get me here

13. Referring to a woman with a mustache as “The Pregnant Man”

14. What Lloyd “The Half-Dead” Carr is doing right now

I think I speak for the Skunkbear Nation when I say, thank you for the clarification Mr. Rodriguez.

Won if by land

November 18, 2008

There is nothing like a good pun, except maybe a literary reference.  With his game summary titled Won if by Land, Ryan O’Leary (right out of central casting) of BGI gets my vote for Sportswriter of the Week.  What exactly Ryan is trying to say with this adaptation of a line from Longfellow’s “Paul Revere’s Ride” is not entirely clear.  Is he saying that the Irish “won” due to their success in the ground/”land” aspect of the game?  After all, Notre Dame out-rushed Navy 230-178, when Navy had been averaging over 300 rushing yards a game.  Was this a clever little acknowledgement that the Navy boys are seamen rather than landmen?  There is no way of knowing.  Maybe he just likes Paul Revere and poetry.

Can you blame him? Everyone loves Paul Revere, well maybe not the British soldiers who were owned at Lexington and Concord.  In third grade, I copied some sentences from Encyclopedia Britannica wrote a paper about Paul Revere.  Included was a full color illustrative tribute to Mr. Revere.  When I was in Boston for the ND game two weeks ago, I toured the Old North Church, the place where Paul’s accomplice hung the famous lanterns (Won if by land, two if by sea).  Outside the church was a monument to a true stallion of a man, Paul Revere.  A man like that deserves a statue. 

ride it, my pony.

Later that night night, as I was walking to the ND-BC Hockey game I encountered another statue, a 3X scale replica depicting Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary pass against Miami from his Heisman Trophy season.  The 6 foot tall statue had been unveiled earlier that day.  Flutie was a heck of a college football player and he wasn’t too shabby in his 1800-Collect commercials either, but is he really worthy of immortilization by statue?  Why don’t we just erect a Toto statue?  I could dance at the Backer, drinking long island iced teas and singing about the “rains down in Africa” all night.  Does that mean Toto should have a statue outside the Linebacker Lounge?  Maybe.  But, with a bar set that low everyone will be able to jump over it, well except for people in wheel chairs.
Listen my children and you shall hear, Of a last second pass that defined a career

Listen my children and you shall hear, Of a last second pass that defined a career

The clean, cool chill of the holiday air…

November 17, 2008

…an asshole head coach in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer…


First image of Quaid as Nutt…I pity any man who lights a match within ten yards of this movie. It’s going to be dynamite.

“CF: The Movie”- Casting The SEC

November 17, 2008

Good morning, dear readers. First let me apologize for the delay in this post, it should have been up Friday, but I was too hungover to even pretend to be clever. Then by the time I got my poop in a group, turned out I had work at my job to do.

Regardless, this is big news for the progress of initially casting “College Football: The Movie”.  Today’s focus is on part one of the SEC. Truly an all-star cast already, the SEC has really upped the standards for acting.  Note: the majority of these actors were chosen by their previous roles, which may or may not be incorporated…


Phillip Fulmer played by Fred Thompson

Keep it in the family. That’s the motto in Knoxville, so naturally they turned to Thompson, the fair state’s former senator, fresh off his failed presidential candidacy run. Fred doesn’t follow football and as result, doesn’t know yet that this story doesn’t have a happy ending either.


Sylvester Croom played by Danny Glover

Not much to say here. Forrest Whitaker turned down the role assuming it was an animated movie and Sylvester Croom was a new Looney Tune character. This is another role about overcoming adversity clearly. Glover is already trying to work in “I’m getting too old for this sh*t” into the script. Little does he know, true to real life, Croom has very little to say in the film.



Rick Brooks played by Craig T. Nelson

Great casting choice by producers, just remember, when talking to Nelson, his character’s name is “Hayden Fox”, it’s just easier, trust us.


Bobby Johnson played by James Brolin

A decent actor for a bit-part.


Houston Nutt played by Randy Quaid

Basically, Randy will be returning to his Cousin Eddie character from the Vacation movies, only with a little more Southern charm, but maintaining the Dixie-bred bumbling around.


Les Miles played by Kurt Russell

Very simply, an action role. This part is set to inspire a spin-off movie called “Escape from Baton Rouge”; it has something to do with a hurricane ruined society and battling an evil pot smoking quarterback trying to take over.


Mark Richt played by Kevin Costner

Costner showed early interest in the role, wanting to really delve into who Richt really is and give him some depth. However, realizing the potential overacting of the part, and wanting to avoid a Waterworld-esque budget disaster, Costner has been put on the back burner. Coincidentally, “Waterworld” was the first title choice for “Escape from Baton Rouge”.


Mark Richt played by William Fitchner

Perhaps a more fitting thespian, definitely an equally fitting hairline, producers have hired character actor Fitchner.


Urban Meyer played by Christian Bale

Rumors are, in yet another movie crossover, Patrick Bateman-like scenes of Meyer. More details on that to come. Another rumor suggests that in order to be more ominous, Bale will use a nasally voice while speaking through his headset.


The Ghost of Bear Bryant played by James Cromwell

Stay tuned for discriptions of dream sequences with Saban and Bryant.

“That’ll do, pig face.”


Coming soon, new Friday casting post, depending on my Thursday night activities…

Just around the corner, from Main Street …

November 13, 2008

November 13, 1993. Fifteen years ago this afternoon.

I was nine years old. Notre Dame was Number One. And all was right with the world.