Archive for February, 2009

Happy Weis Day!

February 24, 2009
Nope, it's not his birthday.

Nope, it's not his birthday.


Take it from Pete Carroll

February 10, 2009

Today I’d like to introduce a new feature to our little Skunkblog. In involves the tan man we all love to hate, Southern Cal football coach Pete Carroll. In between winning forever and losing Hawaiian recruits, PC is an active member of Facebook and Twitter. We were one of Pete’s first friends when he joined Facebook last year. In the spirit of this Internet friendship, we’ll post unedited screenshots of Pete’s Facebook status whenever The Poodle posts something so absurd, decorum prohibits its inclusion anywhere else. But don’t take it from me. Take it from Pete Carroll.


Great Moments in Recruiting History

February 9, 2009

Yes, another slow day at work for me and a slow day of ND news unless you want to just countdown until the next Irish basketball loss. So before I start talking about why Luke Zeller could never balance sunglasses, let’s get back in that LaBaron and hang a u-turn.



Kevin Hart: Big Fool or the Biggest Fool? You be the judge.

Last year at this time, recruiting season, you all might remember a story that came out about a boy named Kevin Hart. Clearly you realize I use the term “boy” loosely, as a”man” refers more to a species and is thus even less fitting. No, Kevin Hart might best be described as a more primitive being, if only a Neanderthal were douchy enough to shave a chinstrap beard.

Don’t let Caveman Hart’s size fool you, if you aren’t familiar with this story, I can divulge that his brain surely rattles around during his infrequent physical activity. The story isn’t very entertaining, it’s actually more sad and embarrassing for everyone involved. But a week ago when ESPN decided to do a follow up on Caveman, you better believe everyone in Scrotum’s Gulch, Nevada jumped at the chance to talk about it again. The abridged version is that this large ape somehow tricked all of his trainers (see: circus) and spectators into thinking a D-1 schools were interested in having him dance for their organ grinders. It was a long involved charade in which obviously, no one asked the obvious questions such as “Why hasn’t Caveman been visiting schools? Why haven’t any coaches been calling? Where’s that pot roast I made?” All the while, he claimed there were full scholarships on the horizon. Now, while I’d like to point out in 2008 the internets flourished, not excluding the following of football recruitment, I can’t be certain Scrotum’s Gulch had this technology to unearth bullshit.

So, Kevin Hart-Attack-Waiting-To-Happen told the school newspaper and even went as far as to organize an assembly to make his decision. In front of the entire school and town, he would make his decision as to which Pac-10 school he would be on when they got beaten by USC in 2008. (Please note, that’s not to say I think USC is amazing, but rather to indicate what a turd of a conference they play in. Furthermore, how bad is Washington that they aren’t even elite enough to be considered for such an absurd lie?) So, the assembly went on, complete with two hats stretched to capacity and held together with coat hangers. Which did he pick, you say? Who cares! Less than 24 hours later he was outed by Cal, Oregon and the waist of his pants. And the consequence for his action? Being featured on ESPN in the worst possible way and becoming more well known than he ever would have been playing football.

So my real question is, what did you think was going to happen? Were you going to run to Mexico and find another fat white mediocre lineman that you could be mistaken for and tell everyone it was you? I give you a skunkbears salute, KH. Maybe you had just watched “Catch Me If You Can” on TBS but fell asleep before he did anything clever, or maybe you just thought the assembly would involve food. Whatever the case, I refuse to believe it was as simple as presented and I look forward to the ESPN annual coverage of your life.

And the moral of the story? Don’t ever live in Nevada. Just don’t.

Regis, out.

Are You Kiffin Me?

February 6, 2009

Yes, I’ve come out of hibernation and not a minute too soon. Allow me to take the wheel and steer this 1989 Skunkbears LaBaron away from this Bonerfest for 18 year old boys known as “recruiting”.

Next stop, rednecks! Now, as we well know, if there’s one thing that gets SEC fans excited it’s loud noises. If there are two things, it’s talking smack and loud noises. Three? Loud noises, talking smack, and not caring how wrong they are.  Congratulations, Lane Kiffin, you are now part of the tribe.


For those of you who haven’t heard, Tennessee’s Kiffin decided to call out subUrban Meyer on a recruiting rule that Kiffin apparently made up. Mr. Kiffin was quite proud and even called Meyer a cheater. Now, oversigning recruits on a yearly basis aside, I assure you, Florida has done nothing wrong. So, Lane, welcome to college ball; sadly this is not your playground game of four-square that you can jump-in, create new rules immediately to come out on top, and smirk like an asshole.

While it was a ballsy move for a man who seems like he would be frightened by the sound of his own gas, at the end of the day, he’s still wrong. Kiffin went on to speak about how Obama is ineligible for presidency because of his Kenyan citizenship, and how we won the Vietnam war, even though the man in the black pajamas cheated, too.

So I give you, skunkbears vocabulary word of the day:

to kiffin: an exuberant proclamation of ones own pride and derogation directed at a superior, all while still being steadfastly inakkrit*.  (see: gundy vocab)*

Keep reading, Skunkbear Millionaires.


Teo is Irish!!!

February 4, 2009
Aloha, South Bend

Aloha, South Bend

24 hours to Teo

February 3, 2009

It’s not the Day-Before-Signing Day unless grown men can’t sleep because they don’t know where an 18-year-old football player will attend college. We’d make fun of these grown men but we’re also one of them. And since grown men like us have spare time between IrishEyes posts, here’s a video of the Mormon Mike Floyd.

On recruiting …

February 2, 2009

Just throwing this out there as signing day nears – Scout rated Santonio Holmes and Larry Fitzgerald the 13th and 15th-best high school wide receivers, respectively, in the fall of 2002. Players ahead of the Super Bowl tandem on the list ranged from the good (Rhema McKnight, Mo Stovall) to the bad (James Taylor) to the regal (Princell Brockenbrough).

Fitzgerald originally committed to D-III Gustavus Adolphus before he went to Pitt. We don’t know what Larry would have done to small-school Minnesota football, but it would have been awesome.

Scent of a Skunkbear

February 1, 2009

News from the Skunkbear den with 216 days until kickoff …

The South Bend Tribune floats the idea of Romeo Crennel taking over as D-line coach. This would be Charlie’s best hire since Tenuta.  Crennel has experience running D-lines – at both the college and pro levels – and his Super Bowl rings can only help recruiting. The biggest question is, how much is the school paying for assistants? Crennel, Tenuta and Co. cannot be cheap.

– The Irish ‘ockey team traveled to Ann Arbor last night and beat the Skunkbears in their own building. (Note: Hockey players play in buildings. Not arenas. Not civic centers. And not stadiums. They play in buildings.) No. 1 ND is now 20-4-3 on the season and headed toward its second consecutive Frozen Four. After only four years in South Bend, Jeff Jackson is – along with women’s soccer coach Randy Waldrum – the best coach on campus.  Here’s an idea: Keep the same football assistants , same players and exchange Weis for Jackson.  Is there any doubt he could lead the football team to at least nine wins?

– Remember when NDNation freaked out last fall about the tailgating gestapo? The report that Fr. Jenkins commissioned to improve the football “game day experience” is due out next month. I’m sure it will spark calm, rational debate on the boards.

– Favorite NDNation handle spotted today: Mackerel Snapping Anarchist.

– I haven’t had this difficult of a time picking a team to root for since Jeff Fisher’s Mustache faced off with Kurt Warner’s Arena Football squad in Super Bowl XXXIV.  It’s hard to pull against the Steelers. They’re led by a fat kid from Miami (not Fla.)  and they have the league’s coolest coach in Mike Tomlin. But it’s harder to pull against the Cardinals. When Arizona clinched the Wild Card in 1998, their fans rushed the field. Stuff like that just doesn’t happen in pro football.  Go Birds.