Author Archive


September 14, 2012

We choked on applesauce.

“Protect the fifty

Not the monsoon soaked endzone,”

Directs Teddy Ruxpin.



September 3, 2012



From mother’s womb flows

Natty Lite and nicotine.

A new fan is born.

How did they know we were coming?

January 23, 2009

The ND Athletic Department must have gotten word of our plans for Saturday evening.  I suspected we had some influential readers besides HJK_Irish.  From

Notre Dame will hold its annual BLACK OUT game on Saturday, Jan. 24 when the 19th-ranked Irish play host to third-ranked Connecticut at 7:00 p.m. (ET) as part of ESPN’s College GameDay.

The first 10,000 fans through the gates will receive a free BLACK OUT t-shirt, sponsored by South Bend Orthopaedics, PJ Marketing and the South Bend Tribune. In addition to the shirts, the first 500 students in attendance will receive black wigs, sponsored by Crocs.

Why T-shirts and Croc wigs are being passed our rather than Backer drink coupons isn’t entirely clear, but I like the thought process.  A couple thousand blacked-out students wearing Crocs should get the JACC shaking.

If only half the free drink is spilled, consider it a success.

If only half the free drink is spilled, consider it a success.

The Linebacker Lounge is also preparing for our arrival.  Pitchers of Long Island Iced Tea have been pre-mixed and cougars from all over Michiana are rumored to be on the prowl.  DJ Drew has called in a favor to a friend and a special musical guest will be making an appearance to play a classic Backer tune:

Riding Dirty (Sanchez)

January 6, 2009

A source in LA has informed of new ride that was given to Mark Sanchez after the Rose Bowl despite Sanchez throwing one less TD pass than Jimmy Clausen did in his bowl game.  Nevertheless, an official from the USC athletic department put his stamp of approval on the gift, stating that “Mr. Sanchez played so gosh darn hard.  Any gifts he may have received were well earned.  And heck, its not any flashier than the bags of money Reggie Bush used to carry around campus. Win forever!”  Here are some exclusive photos:usccar2usccar1

authors note: all facts are unconfirmed at this point, except that Jimmy Clausen threw 5TDs in Hawaii, which is more than 4TDs from Sanchez and that the pictured car could be the ugliest thing we have seen not named Brian Cushing.


December 1, 2008

Maybe all this under-performing Irish team needs is a little motivation.  Dr. Lou wasn’t available, so we brought the next best thing:

I don’t know whats worse: that speech or knowing that the Criminoles would likely kick the shit out of Weis’ under-performing Irish team after listening to that drivel.

Recycling Irish

November 20, 2008

In the “you can’t make shit this ridiculous up, well maybe after a mad-dog or two” department, this Saturday we will be witnessing the first ever carbon-neutral game played in the House the Rockne Built.  According to

“All of the carbon emissions produced by stadium energy use as well as fan travel, hotel stays, and visiting team travel will be offset by energy conservation projects coordinated by the Office of Sustainability during its first semester on campus. Many of the offsets stem from student-led conservation efforts, including the CFL Upgrade, the Dorm Energy Competition, the Reusable Grab ‘n Go Bag Raffle, and Game Day Recycling.”

the new gold flanks

Recycling logos: the new gold flanks

Well isn’t that nice.  Apparantly a little recycling and reusable grab n go bags go a long way.  With the Natty Light cans I recycled in college plus anything I’ve discarded that found its way into a bum’s shopping cart, I’ve racked up some significant carbon savings.  While the Department of Sustainability is cashing in its carbon for a real thriller of a football game with 2-8 Syracuse, I want to use mine for something a little flashier.  Driving a hummer around the block? Burning an acre of rain forest?  Blow-torching an ice cap?  Dousing baby seals with crude Oil? Buying lots of Styrofoam?  The possibilities are endless.  Feel free to leave suggestions on how best spend carbon.  Go green!

Go green and still get your drank on.

Go green and still get your drank on.

Won if by land

November 18, 2008

There is nothing like a good pun, except maybe a literary reference.  With his game summary titled Won if by Land, Ryan O’Leary (right out of central casting) of BGI gets my vote for Sportswriter of the Week.  What exactly Ryan is trying to say with this adaptation of a line from Longfellow’s “Paul Revere’s Ride” is not entirely clear.  Is he saying that the Irish “won” due to their success in the ground/”land” aspect of the game?  After all, Notre Dame out-rushed Navy 230-178, when Navy had been averaging over 300 rushing yards a game.  Was this a clever little acknowledgement that the Navy boys are seamen rather than landmen?  There is no way of knowing.  Maybe he just likes Paul Revere and poetry.

Can you blame him? Everyone loves Paul Revere, well maybe not the British soldiers who were owned at Lexington and Concord.  In third grade, I copied some sentences from Encyclopedia Britannica wrote a paper about Paul Revere.  Included was a full color illustrative tribute to Mr. Revere.  When I was in Boston for the ND game two weeks ago, I toured the Old North Church, the place where Paul’s accomplice hung the famous lanterns (Won if by land, two if by sea).  Outside the church was a monument to a true stallion of a man, Paul Revere.  A man like that deserves a statue. 

ride it, my pony.

Later that night night, as I was walking to the ND-BC Hockey game I encountered another statue, a 3X scale replica depicting Doug Flutie’s Hail Mary pass against Miami from his Heisman Trophy season.  The 6 foot tall statue had been unveiled earlier that day.  Flutie was a heck of a college football player and he wasn’t too shabby in his 1800-Collect commercials either, but is he really worthy of immortilization by statue?  Why don’t we just erect a Toto statue?  I could dance at the Backer, drinking long island iced teas and singing about the “rains down in Africa” all night.  Does that mean Toto should have a statue outside the Linebacker Lounge?  Maybe.  But, with a bar set that low everyone will be able to jump over it, well except for people in wheel chairs.
Listen my children and you shall hear, Of a last second pass that defined a career

Listen my children and you shall hear, Of a last second pass that defined a career