Archive for the ‘SEC’ Category

Are You Kiffin Me?

February 6, 2009

Yes, I’ve come out of hibernation and not a minute too soon. Allow me to take the wheel and steer this 1989 Skunkbears LaBaron away from this Bonerfest for 18 year old boys known as “recruiting”.

Next stop, rednecks! Now, as we well know, if there’s one thing that gets SEC fans excited it’s loud noises. If there are two things, it’s talking smack and loud noises. Three? Loud noises, talking smack, and not caring how wrong they are.  Congratulations, Lane Kiffin, you are now part of the tribe.

babykiffin

For those of you who haven’t heard, Tennessee’s Kiffin decided to call out subUrban Meyer on a recruiting rule that Kiffin apparently made up. Mr. Kiffin was quite proud and even called Meyer a cheater. Now, oversigning recruits on a yearly basis aside, I assure you, Florida has done nothing wrong. So, Lane, welcome to college ball; sadly this is not your playground game of four-square that you can jump-in, create new rules immediately to come out on top, and smirk like an asshole.

While it was a ballsy move for a man who seems like he would be frightened by the sound of his own gas, at the end of the day, he’s still wrong. Kiffin went on to speak about how Obama is ineligible for presidency because of his Kenyan citizenship, and how we won the Vietnam war, even though the man in the black pajamas cheated, too.

So I give you, skunkbears vocabulary word of the day:

to kiffin: an exuberant proclamation of ones own pride and derogation directed at a superior, all while still being steadfastly inakkrit*.  (see: gundy vocab)*

Keep reading, Skunkbear Millionaires.

-rege

“CF: The Movie”- Casting The SEC

November 17, 2008

Good morning, dear readers. First let me apologize for the delay in this post, it should have been up Friday, but I was too hungover to even pretend to be clever. Then by the time I got my poop in a group, turned out I had work at my job to do.

Regardless, this is big news for the progress of initially casting “College Football: The Movie”.  Today’s focus is on part one of the SEC. Truly an all-star cast already, the SEC has really upped the standards for acting.  Note: the majority of these actors were chosen by their previous roles, which may or may not be incorporated…

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Phillip Fulmer played by Fred Thompson

Keep it in the family. That’s the motto in Knoxville, so naturally they turned to Thompson, the fair state’s former senator, fresh off his failed presidential candidacy run. Fred doesn’t follow football and as result, doesn’t know yet that this story doesn’t have a happy ending either.

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Sylvester Croom played by Danny Glover

Not much to say here. Forrest Whitaker turned down the role assuming it was an animated movie and Sylvester Croom was a new Looney Tune character. This is another role about overcoming adversity clearly. Glover is already trying to work in “I’m getting too old for this sh*t” into the script. Little does he know, true to real life, Croom has very little to say in the film.

See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3t5CtxDiM4&feature=related

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Rick Brooks played by Craig T. Nelson

Great casting choice by producers, just remember, when talking to Nelson, his character’s name is “Hayden Fox”, it’s just easier, trust us.

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Bobby Johnson played by James Brolin

A decent actor for a bit-part.

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Houston Nutt played by Randy Quaid

Basically, Randy will be returning to his Cousin Eddie character from the Vacation movies, only with a little more Southern charm, but maintaining the Dixie-bred bumbling around.

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Les Miles played by Kurt Russell

Very simply, an action role. This part is set to inspire a spin-off movie called “Escape from Baton Rouge”; it has something to do with a hurricane ruined society and battling an evil pot smoking quarterback trying to take over.

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Mark Richt played by Kevin Costner

Costner showed early interest in the role, wanting to really delve into who Richt really is and give him some depth. However, realizing the potential overacting of the part, and wanting to avoid a Waterworld-esque budget disaster, Costner has been put on the back burner. Coincidentally, “Waterworld” was the first title choice for “Escape from Baton Rouge”.

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Mark Richt played by William Fitchner

Perhaps a more fitting thespian, definitely an equally fitting hairline, producers have hired character actor Fitchner.

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Urban Meyer played by Christian Bale

Rumors are, in yet another movie crossover, Patrick Bateman-like scenes of Meyer. More details on that to come. Another rumor suggests that in order to be more ominous, Bale will use a nasally voice while speaking through his headset.

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The Ghost of Bear Bryant played by James Cromwell

Stay tuned for discriptions of dream sequences with Saban and Bryant.

“That’ll do, pig face.”

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Coming soon, new Friday casting post, depending on my Thursday night activities…